


Bleak

by Grimagination (kanna37)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, angsty fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 11:19:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanna37/pseuds/Grimagination
Summary: Katara's not pushing Aang away because she doesn't love him, but because she's certain that he won't want anything to do with her when he finally finds out that she used bloodbending against the Leader of the Southern Raiders





	Bleak

The setting sun highlighted the end of the day by spreading glorious color across not only the sky but the ocean beneath it as well, but the beauty of the dying day couldn't touch the young woman sitting on a rather ramshackle dock kicking her feet back and forth lightly through the water.

Katara stared at the horizon, but it was a blank, empty, unhappy stare. There was so much running through her mind and overwhelmed heart that she couldn't focus on anything but the chaos inside.

 _I had him right there... at my mercy. And I choked._ Shame clouded her features, and the line of her mouth was a bitter glance away to things no fifteen year-old should ever have to know. _I failed you, mother. You died to protect me, and I'm so pathetic that I couldn't even..._ her thought trailed off and her lips tightened. She couldn't even think it inside her own mind.

Yes, she'd told Yon Rha that she'd never understood how someone could do what he'd done, and she had even told him she now did understand after seeing him and hearing him offer his own mother for sacrifice to save his pathetic skin. He was empty and hollow, carrying nothing around inside him – no humanity or compassion at all.

Yon Rha was like Azula in some ways. The only real difference was that as a princess of the Fire Nation she commanded pretty much everything except her father's will, and the fear she wielded was much more powerful a weapon than a simple military man's could ever hope to be. And Katara had no doubts at all that the little monster that poor Zuko called sister would have had no compunctions about murdering her mother, either.

But as many problems as she'd had with Zuko, she was almost positive that he wouldn't have done the same to a helpless woman. He might have threatened and even imprisoned and tried to force her to give up her information, but she just couldn't see him actually murdering someone just because he could.

She sighed, her eyes moody. That was another thing. Zuko. When he'd come to them and practically begged to join them she'd been so angry. All she could see was Aang being struck by lightening and falling, his face slack and his beautiful silver eyes empty... _dead_. And while it hadn't been the Fire Nation's now rogue prince who'd struck him in the back like a coward afraid to face him, it had still been his interference that had allowed Azula's strike. When she'd told Zuko that she would kill him if she even thought he might hurt Aang again she'd meant every word – and she still did. That would never change. Anyone that hurt him would pay.

That didn't change the fact that he'd pretty much proven his sincerity about his desire to help them defeat his father and restore balance, and she was ready to forgive _him_ even if she couldn't forgive the monster who'd taken her mother from her family.

Yes, Zuko had struggled with doing the right thing in the past – but considering his past and the family he'd had, that really wasn't so surprising and she could even feel a great deal of sadness and understanding welling up inside her for the complicated prince. He really did have a good heart – it was just scarred – much as his face had been by his own father. She shuddered a little at that. She couldn't imagine hating her brother and trying to kill him as Azula had done several times to Zuko, nor could she ever see her father doing something like what Ozai had done to his son to either of his own children.

She rubbed her arms a little as the sun sank into the horizon and closed her eyes as she heard Appa groan – it seemed Zuko had been concerned enough about her withdrawal to go get Aang. Normally she would have welcomed the young man's presence as he had an innate wisdom that sometimes caught her off-guard, though she acknowledged with a grimace that she really shouldn't be so shocked. He _was_ the Avatar after all, and had a thousand and more lifetimes behind him to gain such insights.

Unfortunately, as Aang jumped off Appa's back and raced towards her, she didn't feel able to face or deal with him or the complicated emotions he had been raising in her almost since meeting him. Especially not since...

Katara's face fell as her secret shame was once more thrust to the forefront of her mind. She'd used bloodbending. She couldn't even bear to look at the young monk as shame clawed its way up her throat. _If he knew what I did... he'd never look at me the same way again, with that innocent and beautiful trust. I... I don't want him to know, because I can't bear to see the look of betrayal I know would be in his eyes. I let my anger at what Yon Rha had done turn me into Hama._

_I was doing the same thing she was, and that makes me no better than her. And I had the nerve t judge her..._

_I'm a hypocrite._

And so when Aang dashed towards her and then came to a skidding halt, asking her if she was okay, she responded emptily but wouldn't look directly at him. She couldn't.

“I'm doing fine,” she said without turning around.

“Zuko told me what you did,” he began, and she froze, her eyes widening for a second.

 _Did he tell him about... what I did to that other man? That I was controlling him? Oh, no!_ Panic raced through her and she couldn't move, couldn't even breathe.

“Or... what you didn't do, I guess,” he rephrased after a moment, and Katara unfroze just a little. Maybe Zuko hadn't told him... surely, if he'd found out about what she'd done he wouldn't be here talking to her with that caring and concerned tone. “I'm proud of you.”

She looked at him just a little out of the side of one eye. She couldn't bear to tell him about the bloodbending, but she felt too ashamed of herself to let him sound so pleased with her. “I wanted to do it. I wanted to take out all my anger at him,” she sighed, a sad and conflicted frown creasing her brow. “But... I couldn't. I don't know if it's because I was too weak to do it, or because I'm strong enough not to.” Her eyes fell closed again and her confusion was plainly visible on her face – not that Zuko or Aang could see the expression, since she still wouldn't really look at them. She gathered her courage, passing the tip of her tongue over her suddenly dry lips to wet them. It didn't seem like the firebender had mentioned what she'd done, or else Aang wouldn't be so calm.

There was a pause, and then he replied earnestly, “You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing.”

She flinched inwardly – _he doesn't understand_ \- and then stood and turned around to face the two. She glanced fleetingly in the young air nomad's general direction without meeting his eyes, then looked down. She couldn't accept his words of praise and understanding – she didn't deserve them. “But I didn't forgive him. I'll _never_ forgive him.” She looked up after a moment, still avoiding Aang's gaze but meeting the so-far silent Zuko's. She was surprised for a moment at the look of understanding and sympathy in his eyes – but was grateful that there was no pity. She didn't want pity.

After a moment of thought, though, she almost wanted to smack herself – it shouldn't be surprising that he understood her pain, because spirits knew he'd had enough of his own. If that look told her anything, it was that the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation had suffered far more mental, physical, and emotional abuse than anyone ever should... especially at the hands of their own family. Her eyes softened a little as she looked at him, and she smiled slightly with sadness for him but no pity, because she knew that was something he also would not want. He was far too proud to ever accept such a thing. “But I _am_ ready to forgive you,” she continued, and stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him in an accepting hug. She held it for a moment as he returned it and then let go and headed for Appa and her brother, who was standing quietly in the background.

She steeled herself as she caught sight of Sokka, because more shame welled up within her at the memory of the poisonous and angry words she'd flung at him the day before. She owed him a huge apology for them, and she wouldn't back down from the unpleasant task of redressing her terrible words – she had her own sense of honor that had taken a heavy beating on this trip, and if she ever wanted to regain even a shred of it back again she had to start somewhere. There was no way she could face Aang with what she'd done at this time, if she'd ever be able to, but at least this was something she could do right now.

It was a start on making amends, and that was better than doing nothing.

~oOo~

“So what happened?”

Katara froze for a moment at her brother's words, and then sighed and once again gathered her courage. She genuinely loved him and almost hated herself for saying such a hurtful thing to him. She'd not missed the pain in his eyes when she'd snapped those words at him, nor his hurt gasp. _I'm a terrible person... I hurt my own brother just because I was angry._

“ _... then you didn't love her like I did!”_

She flinched a little as what she'd said to him echoed in her ears once more, and then straightened her shoulders and turned around to meet her brother's steady gaze. “I faced him,” she replied, a flash of Yon Rha's empty gold-brown eyes crossing her mind again before disappearing and fading into her brother's sad and yet understanding blue ones.

“I know that, Katara. Zuko told us as much. But I want to know what changed your mind. Why didn't you, you know... do it?” he questioned, his gaze firm and almost weighing. He wasn't going to back down from this, but Katara owed him the answers he was demanding anyway and she knew it.

Her eyes went distant as she once more lived through the confrontation with Yon Rha. “When we found him he didn't remember me right at first, but after a few moments he did. You could see the fear in his eyes, thinking that I was there to kill him. He was pathetic,” she sneered, hatred once again surging up within her. “I was going to do it. I really was. I formed ice shards from the rain that was falling around us and sent them at him... but at the last minute I... choked and stopped them. I just... couldn't finish it.”

“Why not?” Sokka pressed, his voice hard.

“I don't know,” she whispered in reply, tears welling up that she refused to let fall. “I just... don't know. He was so empty! There was nothing inside him – he even tried to get me to murder _his_ mother instead of him in order to save his own skin. He's just a monster-” her voice trailed off and her eyes widened and focused on the here and now again with the beginnings of shocked understanding as she met her brother's still-hard gaze, “-but I don't want to be a monster, too. I don't want to be him. If I'd done what I was planning to do, I would have been setting my feet on that same path...”

It was clear to Sokka that his sister had just had a very deep realization and that she'd probably be doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching over the next few days as she tried to work herself through this. After a moment his eyes softened and he smiled a little at her.

“I'm glad you stopped yourself from going that way, then,” he said, affection warming his eyes even further as he looked at her. “Because that's not who my sister is. That's not who _Katara_ is.”

But to his surprise his sister didn't return his smile. Instead she looked more ashamed and even guilty, and he frowned.

“What's wrong?” he prodded, beginning to worry.

Katara met his eyes slowly, stiffening her spine. “I owe you an apology, Sokka,” she began, to his surprise. “For what I said to you yesterday when you tried to talk me out of going. I had no right to say what I did, I know you loved mom.” Her voice thickened with sorrow. “I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!”

And then her brother thought he understood. He pulled her into a hug and just held her as she cried, tears he would never acknowledge aloud rimming his own eyes as well. “It's okay, Katara. I know you didn't mean it. I understand better than you might realize – do you think that I haven't pondered on what I would do to the man who murdered mom if I ever met him? But Aang was right about what he said about revenge yesterday, and if anybody would know that subject it would be him, don't ya think? I mean, he didn't just lose a parent to the Fire Nation's brutality – he lost his entire race. If he could forgive them after something like that, then how could we do any less?”

Katara froze and her eyes widened impossibly at her brother's words. _He's right... If anybody would be considered to have a right to revenge, it would be Aang. But he's... he's not that way. Aang would_ _never_ _do what I almost did yesterday._ Her eyes fell closed then and she sobbed even harder against her brother's chest. _I'm a horrible person... all the things I said to him! And then the bloodbending... Oh, Aang, how can I ever face you again? I don't even deserve to be in your presence!_

“Hey, hey, hey,” Sokka said, surprised when his sister seemed to break down even more and began sobbing with the most heart-wrenching cries he'd ever heard. “Katara, what's wrong?”

“... horrible things... Aang... things I said to him,” she stuttered brokenly through the storm of tears. “How could I?”

 _Oh..._ he thought. She was ashamed of the things she'd said to Aang and her own actions and it was all coming out right now because she wasn't certain how the young Avatar would react to what had happened. He shook his head and chuckled a little before pulling her away from the deathgrip she had on him and forcing her to look at him. “Katara, Aang already forgave you. He could never stay angry with you for anything and you know it! Just talk to him and you'll see I'm right. And besides, stupid,” he added fondly, smirking as her eyes narrowed at him a little at that, “if he could forgive the Fire Nation for destroying his people, do you think he'd refuse you the same for your pain and confusion over mom causing you to do and say a few things that you didn't really mean?”

She was silent for a moment and he thought he'd gotten through to her, although his smirk faded a little at the flash of... _something_... in her eyes before she dropped her gaze and simply nodded. He knew his little sister pretty well, and that look meant that there was something that had happened on that trip that she wasn't talking about.

“Katara,” he began slowly, his moment of amusement fading even further as she avoided looking at him. But he wasn't given the chance to question her any further as she pulled completely away from him with a fake smile that didn't reach her eyes.

“You're right,” she said, her voice falsely cheerful, only making him worry more. “I guess I just need a little more time to work my way through all of it so I can move past it. But we should get going – everyone's waiting for us,” she finished, pointing out that everyone was gathered on the beach and watching them.

Sokka's eyes narrowed as his sister turned and headed back towards the group with a wave of her hand and an exhortation to hurry up.

_Maybe I should talk to Zuko and see if he'll tell me what's going on. Something happened on that trip._

_But what?_

With no answers and only more worries, Sokka followed after his sister.

~oOo~

“So what happened while you guys were gone?”

Zuko startled a little as a male voice came out of the darkness ahead of him, but he calmed a second later as he caught sight of Sokka leaning against a tree to the side of the little footpath he'd followed to gain some necessary privacy.

“What do you mean?” he blinked in confusion, not sure what the water tribe teen was asking for.

“Katara's really upset, though she's hiding it pretty well – for now, anyway. That means that something happened on that little field trip of yours that got her that way. I want to know what it was.”

“Oh.” Zuko sighed inwardly as he sank to the ground. “You might want to sit down for this,” he added when Sokka didn't follow, and shook his head when the other teenager's eyes narrowed. “Just do it.”

“Fine, I'm sitting.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he shot back with a deadpan expression that seemed to annoy the other boy a little, if the look on his face was anything to go by. “Why didn't you guys tell me that Katara could control people's bodies?”

Sokka blinked, and then his eyes widened in shocked surprise. “W-what?” he gasped. “Katara used... _bloodbending_?”

“Is that what it's called?” Zuko hummed thoughtfully. “I guess I can kind of see that, actually,” he said as he thought back to the moment he'd realized that Katara was controlling the Captain of the Southern Raiders. “Let me tell you, it freaked me out for a minute there – watching her do it was definitely scary. Now I know why she was so confident when she threatened to kill me.”

“No, Katara's confident anyway, Zuko. She's beat you before,” Sokka said absently as he tried to get over his shock. And then he got another one. “Wait, _what?!_ Katara threatened to... _kill_ you?”

Shooting a narrow-eyed glare at the other boy for daring to remind him of the fact that yes, Katara _had_ beaten him, Zuko scowled. “Yeah, she threatened to kill me when I first joined you guys.”

“Oh,” Sokka laughed after a minute of frozen silence with a wave of a hand, “she must have been warning you away from Aang. That's the only time she gets so crazy.” He blinked, then said, “She used bloodbending?” again.

Zuko rolled his eyes. “I thought we'd already established that?”

“I know, I know... it's just... wow. I knew she was angry,” the water tribe warrior said in a low tone as he looked down, “but I didn't know it had been eating her up that bad. She never really talked about it, and I didn't want to bring up bad memories of the day that... mom died.” He shook his head after a moment, looking up to catch the fire prince's gaze. “That's why she's been acting so strange, especially towards Aang. She feels guilty about what she did and she's afraid if he finds out he'll never want to talk to her again.”

“Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed the feelings between those two?” Zuko asked almost rhetorically, not really expecting an answer.

“Oh, it isn't just you,” Sokka sighed glumly. “It's been like that for a long time now.”

“Well, I wish they'd get on with it,” the firebender snarled as he glared at the grass. “It's getting really annoying, and its even causing Aang to be too hesitant, which is affecting his firebending.”

“Hey,” the other boy said, sticking his nose in the air, “just be glad you haven't had to put up with it as long as the rest of us have.”

“Then why haven't you guys made them sit down and talk it out by now?” Zuko yelled, frustrated. Seriously, was he really going to have to do everything for these guys? “I mean, we're facing the end of the world here – we don't have time to be nursing a pair of love-sick teenagers!”

“Chill out, Zuko. You've seen Katara mad – do _you_ want to be the one to get in her face and order her to sit down with Aang and listen to a lecture on how everyone knows about their feelings?”

The older teen stiffened and looked trapped. “Uhh...”

“That's what I thought,” Sokka chuckled before getting to his feet and wandering back towards their campsite. “Let me think about this for a few days and see what I can come up with,” he shot back over his shoulder quietly just before entering the firelight.

The prince of the Fire Nation just sighed and dropped his head into his hands for a moment.

_It's going to be up to me, isn't it?_

He looked up into the sky with a scowl. “The universe just hates me, doesn't it?”

~oOo~

Aang stared out at the line where ocean met sky, watching with closed-off eyes as the moon began to rise above the horizon. It was a beautiful night, as seemingly most of them were in the Fire Nation, but that beauty couldn't touch him where he was right at the moment.

There was so much running through his mind. Facing Ozai, his people's destruction, the Avatar state that he could no longer rely on in case things went wrong... Katara. He sighed. Most people would probably be surprised and maybe even angry to know that when the stakes were so high he was thinking about something so... unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

But it wasn't unimportant to him. _Katara_ wasn't unimportant to him. He didn't understand why she was suddenly pushing him away. Over the time they'd been together even as oblivious and unassuming as he was he'd seen a difference in how she looked at him. Just a few short weeks ago, when they'd danced in that Fire Nation cave he'd given her a very strong hint of his feelings during their dance and she'd responded with just as much heat, the look in her eyes giving him chills even these weeks later. Right after that had come the day of black sun, and he'd kissed her. She'd been understandably startled at first, not having expected that on such a day, but she _had_ responded. Most people didn't kiss someone back that they had no feelings for – or at least he didn't think they did. But really... what did he know? Still... she'd kissed him back, and he didn't think _Katara_ was the type to kiss someone like that when she had no romantic feelings for them at all.

_So what happened? When I tried to talk to her about it when we were at the Western Air Temple she evaded and avoided the subject...* and then the other night at that stupid play..._

Tired silver eyes haunted in a way a thirteen year old's should never be gazed heavily up at the stars, suddenly feeling just as far away, cold, and alone as they probably did. That play had torn him open in ways he was unfamiliar with. Watching even just an actress _playing_ Katara give her heart to someone else, even his one-time enemy-turned friend, had made him hurt more than getting hit with Azula's lightening. In fact, right about now he'd be willing to let the crazy girl hit him with it again if it would mean that Katara would accept him. It would hurt far less than this seeming-rejection, and he could definitely say that with confidence.

Unfortunately, it seemed that he'd better get used to pain, because it was looking more and more like who he knew from the knowledge his past lives had left inside him was the love of his life wasn't going to return those feelings, and he'd have to watch her find someone else and love them, instead.

After a moment, though, he scoffed at himself, angrily wiping the tears he'd just noticed off his cheeks. _What's it matter, anyway? I'm getting ready to face the cruelest, most dangerous man on the planet in a battle to what might just turn out to be my own death. It kinda won't matter that I love Katara when I'm dead. And then she'd move on with her life and find someone else to spend it with._ Folding his knees and pressing them to his chest, he wrapped his arms around himself almost defensively and stared at the calm sea pensively, sadness echoing within darkened storm-gray eyes. _Actually, it would probably be better if I did die, as long as I defeated Ozai first... then the next Avatar in the cycle could be born. And even though I know all the air nomads are gone and that doesn't look good for the next Avatar that's supposed to be born into them, I know the spirits will make things right again in that matter._

It wasn't like there was no more air nomad blood in the world. There had been many of the air nomads that had settled in the other nations over the course of history, especially the Earth Kingdom, and he had no doubts that was all the edge the Avatar spirit would need in finding its next air incarnation. And there was still three other cycles to go before that would even be a concern. As it was the water tribes were the next ones in the cycle, and if he died now then the new Avatar could be born and begin their training. A new Avatar for a new age... maybe he was just too dated to lead a world that he still found so strange and different than the one he'd been born in, since he should have been old and preparing for death by now, anyway.

If he hadn't run away one hundred years ago, that was. Run from his duty... run from all those who'd needed him.

Aang's spiralling thoughts were jerked to a sudden halt as Zuko sat down next to him in the sand, and he flicked a glance at the older teen from under dark lashes before looking away. He didn't say anything, though, just waited for the firebender to speak – he wouldn't have come out here if he didn't have something to say.

Zuko looked his young friend over with concerned eyes and sighed, not at all comfortable with what he was about to do – this kind of thing was really more his uncle's cup of tea – but Iroh wasn't here and the situation had to be dealt with. Aang was sinking fast and no one had been able to figure out how to help the situation, meaning that it was up to him, just like he'd known it would be.

What were friends for, anyway? To interfere in your business, that's what. And so Zuko sighed again and tried to order his thoughts. _Ugh... I'm really not good at this, but with Aang being who he is the world needs him calm, especially right now. It was a dirty trick by fate to dump this in my lap –_ he rolled his eyes inwardly - _but I should be used to those dirty tricks by now, so here goes._

A true firebender, Zuko was blunt, jumping right into the needed subject with both feet - even if they were awkward feet.

“Katara's not pulling away from you because her feelings have changed, you know.”

Aang hadn't been expecting that; he shot a shocked look at the rogue prince. “W-what?” he stuttered.

“You heard me,” Zuko said, beginning to scowl uncomfortably at the sand. He really hated having to step in to the situation and even worse give advice. Advising others wasn't a skill he had – hell, he'd just begun to figure out how to live his own life, let alone help someone else with theirs.

“How did you know about that?” the teen squeaked, eyes wide and a flush across his face.

“Did you seriously just ask me that?” Zuko choked incredulously as his head whipped up, pinning his young friend to the spot with disbelieving eyes. “Come _on_ , Aang, _everybody_ knows about that! Heck, I thought you two were a couple back when I was still chasing you to the North Pole – it's not like you guys didn't act like it even back then, though I guess looking back at it now I can see that you two were oblivious to it. And Sokka was for a while, too, but that's just because he was deliberately ignoring it,” he rolled his eyes as he thought about the sometimes flaky water tribe teen. “He's good at that.”

Gray eyes blinked at the older boy several times as Aang tried to work his way out of his shock. He wondered absently if he'd ever get his face to go back to normal or if the blush he could feel burning his cheeks and neck was going to become a permanent fixture.

It took a few for him to get control of himself, and then he turned his head away with a sad exhale. “I know Katara cares about me. She loves me in her own way, but I guess it isn't the way I love her.” He paused, his eyes clenching shut at the wave of hurt that welled up in his chest and clawed its way up his throat, making it hard to talk. He cleared the block enough to say, “I don't really want to talk about it, if you don't mind, Zuko. It hurts enough just thinking about it.”

Zuko growled, frustrated with the whole situation. “No. You're going to listen to me. Katara isn't pushing you away because she doesn't return your feelings! We all know she does-”

Aang whirled around on a current of air, floating lightly to his feet to glare with clenched fists at the young prince. “And how do you know, huh? How do you know how Katara feels or doesn't?” he yelled, not even thinking about the possibility that the rest of the gang would hear him. “Can firebenders somehow read other peoples minds and hearts now?”

A small explosion of fire met his question as Zuko blew to his feet as well, towering over the younger boy with frustration written all over his face. “No, you idiot, but you two are so obvious with your feelings that even Toph knows, and she's blind!” he shouted back. “Hell, when I first joined you Katara threatened to kill me if she even _suspected_ that I was going to hurt you! Katara! And we all know that while she's a fighter she also has a caring heart and she mothers everyone! She couldn't even kill the man who murdered her mother in cold blood, but I've got no doubts that she would end me in a second to protect you,” he finished, his voice and stance softening as he watched Aang's face still with yet more shock.

He blinked rapidly several times, obviously uncertain of how to react to that. “She didn't mean that, Zuko. N-no way,” he stammered. There was just _no way_...

With a shake of his head Zuko folded his legs beneath himself and fell back to the sand, setting his hands on his knees and visibly searching for his center. After a few seconds of breathing calmly he exhaled deeply and sighed. “Oh, she meant every word, Aang. Remember, I grew up with Azula, and she's tried to kill me several times. I know when someone's truly threatening me and when someone's bluffing, and Katara meant every word. She'd kill to protect you, and even though I know you air nomads always believed that every life is sacred, sometimes there's just no other choice.” He shot a glance at his young friend. “Answer me this. If you got into a situation where there _was_ no other way, either you killed someone or he was going to take Katara's life, would you just let her die so that _you_ wouldn't have to be responsible for someone's else's death?”

Aang stumbled to the ground in shock at the question, because it didn't even take a second for the answer to hit him. Yes, he would kill to protect her. As much as he'd hate it and it would be a wound on his soul forever, he'd do whatever it took to save Katara. Even kill, if there truly was no other choice. _Besides_... “If we were in a situation like that and I let Katara die so I didn't have to take responsibility for ending someone's life, I'd have her blood on my hands anyway, Zuko, because I didn't act to save her. I'd never be able to live with the guilt of that... it would be bad enough to have the guilt for someone else's blood, but if it were hers...” he shook his head rapidly and pushed such thoughts away. _Never._

It fell quiet for a few minutes, but then Zuko broke the silence. “I didn't want to get involved in this. It isn't really my business, but the havoc the mess between you and Katara is causing has to stop. You need to be concentrating on how to defeat my father, and you can't do that with this in the way. So, with prodding from the others – including Sokka-” he growled with irritation at the water tribe boy who had indeed left this mess up to him to deal with, “-I'm going to tell you what's really going on with Katara.”

Frowning slowly, Aang looked at his friend, suddenly worried for her, his own pain pushed aside. “Did something happen to her while you guys were gone on that trip?” he blurted.

Zuko lowered his head and nodded slightly. “You could say that. When I took her after the man who murdered her mother, you know how she was. She was being eaten alive by the hatred she had for the fool. And she needed to face him - she really did. But during the search... well, she did something, and it's _that_ that's been causing her to act the way she has been towards you. She's afraid that if you knew what she'd done you'd turn away from her, and on top of that she's dealing with her own guilt about it, too. She's just confused, and you need to know what's going on so you can talk to her about it.” He shot a glance at the boy sitting next to him, not surprised to see the lost look on Aang's face.

“But there's nothing that Katara could ever do that would make me turn away from her,” he said, blinking bewilderedly. “What happened that she would even think something like that?”

A chuckle full of something Aang didn't really like came from the prince's throat. “She used bloodbending on the current leader of the Southern Raiders. I'm telling you, when I saw what was happening and realized that Katara was actually controlling that guy, every hair on my body stood on end. She didn't harm him,” he added quickly when he saw the stunned look on his young friend's face. “She just kept him from attacking us so we could question him, and when she realized he wasn't the one we were looking for she released him, but from what Sokka told me Katara's going through some real hell right now trying to work her way through what she did. She really regrets what she let her anger push her into doing, but she just can't stand to face you knowing that you know about what happened. _That's_ why she's been pulling away, not because her feelings have changed. She loves you just the same as you love her, and she's terrified of losing you over this – not to mention the coming battle with my father.”

Aang was quiet for some time as he stared at his friend. His thoughts were racing, but one stood out above all the others. _I'm not capable of hating Katara or looking down on her. How could she think...?_ Finally he said, “That's... I can't believe she'd think I'd turn my back on her for any reason, let alone something like that. Katara knows deep down what's right, and that shows for the fact that she didn't harm the man, and didn't kill Yon Rha for murdering her mother, either.” He made a move to leap to his feet. “I need to go talk to her!”

He was stopped by an iron grip on his arm. Zuko met his surprised gaze with a stern expression. “You need to calm down first. You're too excited and you're going to have to settle that before you do – she doesn't need you hyper right now.”

The tension in his muscles slowly faded and Aang sank back down to the slightly damp sand with a reluctant nod. “I guess you're right.” He shot his friend a look as he took in how uncomfortable Zuko truly was. “Hey,” he began, “I know you really don't like dealing with stuff like this, but I'm glad you told me. Thanks.”

Zuko just nodded. Standing, he brushed the sand off his clothing and turned to head back to the others. He paused in his stride, though, as Aang spoke.

“Wait... if you knew... about my feelings for Katara why did you push me out of the way when we went to that play and I tried to sit next to her?”

The banished prince looked over his shoulder with a small grin. “I was trying to force the issue in my own clumsy way. I thought if I got you jealous enough you'd finally say something.” He shrugged. “And because that didn't work I had to come out here tonight to deal with it, instead.”

“Oh.” The teen watched Zuko walk away and turned his attention back to the dark horizon. _It worked better than you thought. I_ _was_ _jealous –_ _really_ _jealous. And I did try to talk to her that night... but I messed it up and made things worse._ He sighed. _I seem to do that a lot, so maybe Zuko's right and I need to think this thing through before I go talk to Katara. I should make sure I know what I want to say._

Despite Zuko's assertions about Katara's feelings, though, he was understandably wary. While the hope that she did return his feelings in the same manner was once more flaring up inside him, there was also the fear that everyone else was wrong about the matter, too. That made him nervous and tongue-tied, and he needed to be able to keep that under control so he didn't make things worse with her. Frankly, he didn't know how much more of this separation between them he could take. And with his pending battle with Ozai he needed to get things out in the open with her, just in case he didn't return.

~oOo~

Katara looked up from her position near the fire with pensive eyes, paling a little when she met a charcoal gray gaze looking back at her. Aang had his hand out and a determined expression on his face, and her heart sank. Apparently it was time to face him and 'fess up to her actions on that trip with Zuko.

Visibly reluctant, she reached out and took his outstretched hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. She relished in the feel of his surprisingly soft skin, just knowing that after tonight he'd never speak to her again unless necessary, let alone willingly touch her. _Oh, how am I supposed to live without him?_ Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and she wiped them away surreptitiously after he turned away to lead her off. The camp was silent as all eyes were on them, but neither noticed the rather universal sigh of relief from everyone there as they faded into the dark.

No one could stand much more of the heavy air between the two and stay sane – they had enough on their minds what with the coming comet and the battles that it would bring in its wake.

Leading her back to the same spot he'd been earlier, Aang came to a halt and reluctantly let her hand go. He turned towards her slowly and motioned for her to take a seat as he folded his legs beneath him and sank onto the sand.

Katara followed his lead, swallowing heavily as she waited for him to speak.

“Why won't you look at me?” he finally asked softly, watching as she flinched at the question as though she'd been hit.

“Oh, umm, it's nothing!” she blurted, looking up at him but not meeting his eyes. “I just have a lot on my mind, you know, what with what's going to happen in a couple of days and all.”

“Yeah, but so does everyone else, and they aren't avoiding me. You've been acting funny since you came back from looking for Yon Rha. Katara,” he said, reaching for her and laying a tentative hand on her knee, “Whatever's wrong, just tell me. I thought I was your best friend? Don't you know that you can tell me anything and I'm not going to judge you for it?”

Aang was immediately horrified when Katara burst into tears and hid her face in her knees so as not to look at him. He really hated seeing her that way and did the first thing that came to mind – he pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried. She was stiff and almost unwilling at first, but after a few moments when he refused to let go of her she slumped and just cried, her heart breaking. It felt so wonderful to be held by him, but there was so much fear that it was the last time he'd ever offer such a thing that all she could do was sob and shake like the world was ending.

Not knowing what else to do he began to rock her just a bit and hum some half-forgotten tune, smiling a little as she burrowed closer to him and sniffled, her tears finally beginning to ease off. But the smile was short-lived; he could feel her fear like a living thing, and it was actually beginning to make him sick to his stomach knowing she felt that way.

“Is this about what happened when you and Zuko confronted the leader of the Southern Raiders – the new one?” he asked bluntly, quite well aware that if he didn't bring it out into the open immediately, she'd try to avoid the topic.

He was startled when Katara jerked away from him so hard that she ended up several feet away. He blinked and looked up at her in surprise, only to be shocked speechless at the anguish, confusion, and fear in her eyes.

“Who told you about that?” she demanded shrilly, tears beginning to pour again at the thought that this was it, he was going to tell her he didn't want anything to do with her now.

“It doesn't matter, Katara – everyone knows about that. Well, except for me, apparently, until tonight. Why didn't you talk to me about this?” he asked, a hurt look crossing his face. “You always used to tell me everything...” he trailed off after a moment, turning his head away as the ever-present pain of a lonely heart surged. “Is it because of what happened the other night at the play?”

Katara's eyes widened. “No!” she gasped, though she flushed as that subject was brought up. “But... but aren't you angry at me? For using my power that way?”

Aang shook his head slowly, meeting and holding her gaze. “No... why would I be? You don't need me to tell you what's right and wrong, and that's proved by the fact that you've been beating yourself up about it ever since it happened. And besides,” he added, blushing sheepishly and rubbing his neck shyly, “I could never turn away from you no matter what. So stop punishing yourself for a mistake, Katara – I hate to see you like this.”

The young waterbender flushed at the expression in his eyes and her own gaze dropped, unable to bear that look. She wasn't good enough to kiss his feet, let alone anything else, but he didn't seem to understand that. “Aang, I-”

“Nope. You don't get to push me away like that, and especially not over something so stupid. Neither of us is perfect – don't you think I know what you're feeling? I've done some terrible things, especially while in the avatar state, and I don't feel good enough to even kiss the ground you walk on most of the time, but you never let that stop you from staying by my side.” He reached over and nudged her arm with a small smile. “So now I get to return the favor. You can't get rid of me so easily, you know. I can be stubborn, too.”

That startled a reluctant chuckle out of her, though she still couldn't seem to meet his eyes. “I know,” she whispered. “Like when you tried to leave us behind after you woke up from your Azula-induced coma.” Her face fell a little as she relived those weeks when she hadn't been sure he'd ever wake up again. The sheer terror such a thought had brought her had quickly shown her that her feelings for the young monk were much stronger than 'just friends' - not that she'd been ready to face such a realization. Hell, she still wasn't. But if there was one thing their situation had taught her, it was that it didn't matter if she was ready or not because she was already irrevocably his, and she always would be.

That still didn't mean she was good enough for him.

Aang chuckled a little uneasily as he was reminded of that particular stupid stunt. “Yeah,” he said, blushing again. “Sorta. That wasn't really me being stubborn though – it was more like me being an idiot. Leaving you all behind...” he trailed off and looked down at the sand at his feet, running a finger through it idly as he prepared to admit to something he probably shouldn't. “Actually... leaving _you_ behind. I could make it without the others, though I'd miss them, but I couldn't do any of this without you, because... you're what I'm fighting for. I'm going to face Ozai for _you_ , Katara – so that the world will be safe for you.”

He startled a bit at the tentative touch on his shoulder, but looked up when the hand tightened to meet Katara's mesmerizing blue eyes. His own were sad now, his seemingly unrequited feelings for the young woman next to him darkening their usual light with pain and a peculiar weariness.

Katara was stunned to see such an expression in his eyes, and a sharp stab of anguish caused her to gasp at the pain of it. _What have I done?_ she wondered guiltily, knowing he looked like that because of her. Because she'd been pushing him away and ignoring what was between them because of her own fear that he would push _her_ away if he knew of her actions against that raider. All she'd done was hurt Aang, her best friend and the boy she loved, and that wasn't okay with her.

“Aang,” she breathed, her hand sliding down his arm gently to furl into his as she threaded their fingers together. “Aang... you don't... you can't want me like... that,” she said, silent tears beginning to slide down her flushed cheeks. “You deserve the best, someone almost as special as you are, not someone like me!”

That got a reaction; the avatar met her eyes with a fierce look in his own that took Katara aback. “Shouldn't that be something for me to decide?” he demanded, gripping her hand in an unbreakable hold. “There _isn't_ anyone in this world that's more special than you are, so if I can't be with you-” he almost lost all breath at the thought of being without her, “-then I don't want anyone else. It's always been you, Katara... and it always will be,” he finished slowly, finally looking away as an uncomfortable expression settled on his features.

“You can't know that, Aang... You might meet someone tomorrow that wipes me right out of your mind, you know,” she finished slowly as she looked away, heart breaking at the thought of watching him find someone else.

At that Aang tugged his hand away from hers and turned to grab both of her shoulders, forcing her to look at him again. “Did you forget who I am? I might only be thirteen, but I've had a thousand lives before this one and one thing you learn after a while is what's real love and what isn't. I'm perfectly well aware of what I'm feeling for you, and I'm telling you this right now – if I'm not with you then I won't ever be with anyone. I... I love you, Katara, and it isn't as a child loves someone – it's as a man loves a woman.” Despite his bold words he couldn't help the terrible flush that moved from his cheeks all the way to his toes, but he refused to let his embarrassment stop him. “I'm not trying to pressure you, but I just can't hide how I feel anymore. It'll hurt if you don't feel the same, but I know that's how I feel about you no matter what. So don't think that there's anything you could do that would make me turn away from you, because there isn't.”

Katara's shoulders slumped in weary surrender as he spoke. Who was she to deny the age old spirit of the Avatar? If he wanted her – and she shivered at the thought that the most important person in the world wanted _her_ – then really... why was she turning him away? It wasn't like she actually wanted to, anyway. She looked up slowly and met stormy eyes pinned fiercely to hers with a depth of passion she somehow wasn't surprised to know he hid inside.

If she was being truthful, in some ways it was almost frightening. This being, the spirit of the world itself in mortal form, loved her with such depths she wasn't even sure a human could match them for a moment. But then she scoffed at herself – of course they could, because that's exactly how much she loved him. And now she was coming to her true fear – the _real_ thing that had kept her from opening herself to Aang sooner – that a love so all-encompassing would end up destroying her if he didn't make it in the coming confrontation with the firelord.

But it was a silly fear, really, because Ozai wasn't the be-all and end-all of all the conflicts in the world. Once he was defeated there would still be fighting and danger – Aang would always be in some danger or other just because of who he was. It didn't matter when he was fated to die, she would be devastated unless she happened to have gone first. So keeping him at arms length wasn't accomplishing anything but making them both unhappy while they were still alive and able to enjoy each other.

“Katara,” Aang sighed miserably when she was quiet for so long, his eyes falling away from hers, “if you want me to go back to camp, I'll go.”

“No!”

The young airbender was so startled at her sudden move as she threw herself into his arms that she managed to knock him over on his back, and he flushed completely crimson yet _again_ as she lay pressed against him from chest to thigh. He blinked as he tried to figure out how he'd ended up in this oft dreamed-of position, but his thoughts were highjacked as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his neck. Unable to help himself, Aang reciprocated, folding his arms around her.

“Uhhh...” he managed before his throat closed up and his brain began to shut down, “are you okay?”

“Only as long as you hold me,” Katara returned in a muffled voice, her eyes closed and a dreamy smile on her face as she pressed it into his neck. He'd always smelled like every good thing she could ever think of – herbs and fertile earth and cold, icy clear water mixed with a scent that was only Aang. She could lay here and breath him in forever, but unfortunately she knew that right now forever was not very long at all. After the firelord was defeated they could really talk about _forever_.

So with a regretful exhale she pulled back slowly as his arms dropped reluctantly from around her, coming to rest on her knees before her young monk as he also sat up, his head tilted and a confused but hopeful look on his face. “I'd hold you for eternity, Katara, if you wanted me to. But I know that you said you were confused about things the other day, so I don't want to press you. I shouldn't have done it then, either,” he sighed, looking away and letting his fingers play in the gentle wavelets that were beginning to reach them as the tide began to come in. “I'm sorry.”

His eyes shot to hers as he felt a finger-tip touch against his lips. Unable to help himself, he kissed it tenderly, his eyes sad and loving and seemingly resigned to losing her. It was a look that hurt Katara to the bone, and she desperately hoped she'd never see it again. She shook her head at him as tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. “Don't look like that. Please, don't look like that! _I_ _can't stand it._..”

“I'm sorry,” he said again, pulling away from her finger as he met her drenched gaze with horror. “I'm sorry! I'm not trying to upset you-!”

“Aang, I love you!” she spat out rapidly, not wanting him to pull away and close himself off before she could tell him... tell him that she loved him and always would, that she wanted to spend every day of the rest of their lives together. It didn't even matter where, she'd live with him in a tree if he wanted and be the happiest girl in the entire world while doing it. “I've loved you for a long time,” she continued desperately at the shocked, disbelieving look on his face, “but I was so afraid and I let the fear turn me into a coward. I'm _so sorry_ that I've hurt you so much, I didn't mean to!” A sob of intense, keyed up emotion ripped from her throat, and Aang's disbelieving expression turned worried. It was like she was falling apart, finally breaking after being so strong through everything they'd been through up to this point.

“Katara,” he breathed, a frown forking his brow. “Please, don't cry! I hate to see you like this... please?” He reached out a little tentatively before pulling back, then shook his head as the line of his mouth firmed with determination; he took ahold of her and pulled her shivering frame into his and wrapped his arms around her again. He gritted his teeth as she continued to cry, truly hating seeing her this way but determined to give her what she needed – which was seemingly for him just to hold her as she cried it all out.

The gentle sounds of the seashore and Katara's harsh sobbing was all that was heard for some time, but eventually the soft sounds of nature worked their magic and her crying eased, finally coming to a halt as a few last tears made their way down her slowly cooling cheeks. And for another long time they remained that way, curled up together with Aang holding her comfortably against his chest and running his fingers soothingly through her wind-blown locks.

“Are you okay now?” he finally whispered, not really wanting to disturb the drowsy calm that had fallen between them but wanting to be sure she was going to be alright.

The young waterbender sighed deeply, letting out the last of her tension, guilt, and fear with the breath. After a moment spent gathering herself and her scattered thoughts she gently pulled away from her comfortable spot against him and hesitantly looked up to lock eyes with him.

She nodded slowly after a tense pause. “Y-yeah,” she breathed. “I didn't mean to drench you like that,” she grimaced, flushing guiltily. “I... I guess I've just been holding it all in for too long, hiding from it, really. Being a coward.”

Aang snorted. “You're the _last_ person I could call a coward. Everyone has things they don't want to face, and we all run and hide from them sometimes. If that makes you a coward, then I guess we're all cowards.”

A startled giggle escaped her before she pressed her hand to her mouth to stop anymore from escaping. “You're the bravest person I kno-”

“No. If I was so brave then I wouldn't have run away when my people needed me most, Katara. I've done too much running when things got tough, and that's not being brave.” He shot her a look, then, as something came to him. “What's being brave,” he continued slowly, “is coming back even when you're terrified. So I guess _that_ means we're all brave.”

Katara's eyes softened on him with abiding affection at his attempt to cheer her up. “How do you always know what to say to make me fall in love with you more every time you speak?”

He reddened at that but held her gaze bravely. “I wish I knew, so I could keep saying it... Does this mean we can be... together?” he blurted, totally unable to stop himself from asking. He really, really just needed to know what all this meant before he burst...

A matching pink traced across her cheekbones but she didn't look away. “There's only one thing standing in our way, Aang,” she said, her eyes giving away the seriousness of what she was saying.

The young avatar sighed and hung his head, nodding sadly. “The firelord.”

“Yeah. None of us will ever get our happy endings until he's been dealt with, however that happens,” she said carefully, well aware of his struggle to find a way to defeat Ozai without killing him. “And now is the time to focus on that – but once that's done we can worry about us, I promise.”

“Katara,” Aang whispered, that adorable, goofy smile of his beginning to light up his face as he looked back at her with joy.

She shivered as he said her name in that same wistful, adoring tone she could now see he'd had for months when saying it. He was just so perfect, so... Aang. He was just himself and there had never been anyone better in the entire history of the world and there never would be again, either - at least in her eyes. “Hmm?” she hummed absently, caught up in staring at the euphoria on his face.

“I... I love you!” he beamed excitedly, his eyes lit up brighter than Katara'd ever seen them.

It made her heart pound that she could have such an effect on the _Avatar_ – the single most important being on earth or even in the spirit realm, really. How had _she_ managed to win his heart? He could have pretty much any girl in the world... and he'd chosen her.

A sweet, lovestruck smile curved her lips as she met his ecstatic gaze, and then her lashes fell and brushed her blushing cheeks. If she never did anything else in her life but make Aang happy for the rest of his, then it would have been a life well-lived.

“I love you, too,” she admitted shyly.

A shriek of laughter was startled out of the young waterbender as she was instantly glomped by a delighted and very relieved Aang, and when Sokka came looking for them much later that night, he breathed a sigh of relief himself at the sight of the two curled up asleep together and looking relaxed and completely content to be right where they were. So much so that it was almost a tragedy to wake them up, but they needed to get back to the house where there was safety in numbers. He smiled good-naturedly at the glares the two sent him as they were forced to wake and separate but didn't say anything, actually happy for them when it came right down to it.

So, sure, he was Katara's older brother and it was his duty to give the newly-minted couple a bit of hell about their relationship...

But all that fun could wait until _after_ they'd saved the world. Besides, if he started teasing them now after they'd finally gotten all the drama over with, the others would probably kill him.

Especially Zuko. He shivered.

Yeah... better to let sleeping firebenders lie.

 

**Author's Note:**

> *This is in fact canon. In Avatar: The Last Airbender – The Lost Adventures there is a comic short where Aang tries to talk to Katara about that kiss on the Day of Black Sun and she keeps avoiding the topic. It's actually really cute.


End file.
